Breaking the Silence: Navigating Maternal Mental Health Wellbeing

Maternal Mental Health is a topic not talked about enough and often misunderstood, yet it's a reality that countless women face every day. I have the honor of helping women by understanding, supporting, and empowering them as they navigate the complexities of motherhood. 

I wanted to take this opportunity during Maternal Mental Health Month to discuss this topic further, educate people, and break the stigma. 

First, let me define Maternal Mental Health(MMH): the emotional well-being of women during pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period. It encompasses a range of mental health symptoms that affect mothers. The range under that MMH umbrella are postpartum depression, anxiety, psychosis, OCD, and PTSD. And Baby Blues, which is commonly used for what a mother is experiencing but tends to minimize it.  

 Here are some common signs to watch for and an excellent time to seek help: 

• Persistent Sadness

• Excessive Worry 

• Difficulty Bonding with the Baby 

• Changes in Sleep or Appetite

• Fatigue or Exhaustion

•  Irritability or Anger

• Intrusive Thoughts or Fears

• Social Withdrawal

• Loss of Interest or Pleasure

Maternal mental health is essential for mothers' and babies' well-being. Untreated issues can affect maternal bonding, infant development, and family dynamics, but seeking help from a healthcare provider specializing in perinatal mental health to get support can help. 

As a therapist, my foremost goal when working with my clients who are mothers is to create a safe and supportive space where they feel understood and validated. I want them to know that they are not alone. Throughout our therapy journey, I help them navigate their thoughts and emotions, teaching techniques to manage intrusive thoughts and regulate their emotions. Grounding exercises and other behavioral strategies become tools they can use daily to cope with challenges. I aim to destigmatize the use of medication for mental health issues, especially during the perinatal and postpartum periods. Drawing from my own experience as a mother who used medication during pregnancy and beyond, I emphasize the importance of informed decision-making. I am very grateful to my healthcare providers, who approach these decisions with empathy and understanding. Thank You! 

I hope we can continue to advocate for breaking the stigma surrounding maternal mental health, encouraging open conversations and acceptance of mental health challenges as a normal part of the motherhood journey with less guilt and shame!

Resources:

• Call or text Postpartum Support International Helpline at 800-944-4773

• Download the Connect App by PSI

• Call or Text 988

• Call or text the Maternal Mental Health Alliance Hotline 833-852-6262

Caitlin Hart LCPC NCC

Why Counseling?

Over the years as a mental health counselor, I have often heard from individuals “I am not in a crisis so I don't need counseling” or “I don’t want to take a spot from someone who really needs it”. Unfortunately, these statements just reinforce the stigma that counseling is only for people dealing with “real issues”. Which minimizes the truth, that we all can benefit from mental health counseling no matter what we are going through. In this blog, I want to highlight some important benefits of what the therapeutic process can provide for someone considering counseling, but who is still unsure if they “really need it”.

•  Feeling Heard - A mental health counselor holds space and listens without judgment.  There is no hierarchy of pain so no matter what is going on for someone, the counselor is the person who is just present and listens. Think, Brene Brown, they climb down and get in the hole with a person.

• Assist Positive Change -   A mental health counselor is educated and trained in various evidence-based modalities to promote balance in all life task areas. They do not avoid uncomfortable emotions or conversations, they lean into the discomfort and encourage the client to do the same. Because that is where change can happen. 

• Promote Balance -  Together in the therapeutic process, a client works to increase their insight into what they need for balance. This can be by improving communication skills, boundary setting, coping skills and more to improve their overall well-being. 

• Provide Connection -  They help navigate connections to outside resources within their community for additional support that may be needed. 

Overall, mental health counseling is a vulnerable but rewarding process that is beneficial for everyone, no matter what.  I would encourage all to take the step of making that first appointment because we all deserve to process emotions, seek change, and find balance in our lives. 

Caitlin Hart LCPC NCC

 Brené Brown 

Don’t let COVID-19 be your Grinch

Holidays are already a time of high stress, then sprinkle in Coronavirus, and we have ourselves a Bad Moms Christmas Special. Christmas 2020 is filled with so much: concerns about family gatherings, stress of package arrivals, financial struggles, family health, and the “normal” high expectations of delivering a perfect Christmas. So with that, this blog is speaking to all parents whose mental health check engine light is on. Here are some tips for enjoying this holiday season no matter what it looks like: 

• Set Boundaries- It is essential to be aware of your limitations and what you are comfortable doing this year. Just because you have done something in the past does not mean you must keep doing it. Let go of guilt because it is a paralyzing emotion. It blocks out the joy you deserve to feel celebrating in your home with your household family the way you feel most comfortable.  

• Be Flexible -  No holiday celebration is perfect and certainly not during COVID. View all the changes as opportunities to be flexible and resilient, create some new traditions. If the package doesn’t arrive in time, breathe in the frustration but let it go. It’s paramount to keep everything in perspective. 

• Ask for Help- You are not alone. These are not ordinary times, how many commercials have played that line. But it is true. Your mental health can only process so much at a time so call a friend and vent. 

• Do Something for You- As always, It is not selfish to take care of yourself first. With a little one glued to your side or breaking up a sibling conflict while having racing thoughts on the stress of the holidays, you need to take some time to relax and be kind to yourself. 

During this holiday season, remember to be present and find happiness in the moments, as different as they may look. Find time to relax, reflect, and recharge. I wish all a happy healthy holiday season. Goodbye 2020 and cheers to 2021 and may it bring good mental health..insert Frasier voice there.

Caitlin Hart LCPC, NCC

I Don’t Like the 12-Week Rule

Let's talk about it, *perinatal loss. When we increase  conversations surrounding taboo topics, we increase the understanding and awareness about the complexity of real-life situations. 

In 1988 President Regan declared October, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month to recognize the unique grief that parents go through during such a tragic loss. However, there is still such a need for awareness and advocacy around this topic. Oddly enough, this was set to be my October blog topic but little did I know it would end up being so personal. The blog will focus more on miscarriage; however, in the end, it will provide ways to cope and help support others who experience tragic loss as a whole. 

In August My husband and I found out we were expecting. Hearing the heartbeat and seeing the tiny little blob in September was so exciting and new for us. My husband and I began sharing our happy news with friends and family, even though we were in the first trimester. There is a stigma around that, one we all know well, that expecting parents should wait to share their exciting news until after the first 12 weeks, in case something terrible, like a miscarriage happens. However, that doesn’t change the odds that a complication could occur; it just means if something does happen, you and your partner grieve in silence, which is heavy and hard to do. 

Miscarriage is the most common complication of pregnancy, but it remains taboo and is not more openly discussed.  When we avoid vulnerable topics, it eliminates our opportunity to learn how to heal from it or even how to support others experiencing it. About 10-25% of clinical pregnancies result in a miscarriage, and 80% are in the first trimester. So when I went in for my second appointment at 11 weeks, and my doctor could not find the heartbeat, we became a one in four statistic. 

Let’s talk more about the “12-week rule'' that I do not support. First, I want to be clear that I understand that sharing vulnerable news is a personal choice and one you get to choose for yourself and your family. 

I believe the 12-week rule supports a narrative, much like social media that only joyous things happen to us in life. And we are minimizing the support that could be, and is deserved, for a mother at any stage in her pregnancy. When we support the silence of not sharing uncomfortable sad news, we do not learn how to cope or help others. Opening up about loss and talking about grief creates a sense of connectedness during an otherwise isolating time. We often do not share the bad times as a society, and minimize opportunities to normalize taboo topics that no longer should be. When my husband and I began sharing our heartbreaking news that we lost the baby, the support from our community made it less heavy. It didn’t take our pain away or change the outcome of what was, but it reminded us how whole we were in such a broken state. 

What to avoid saying to an individual experiencing perinatal loss- 

• Avoid any statements that follow “At least” As Brené Brown states, this is silver lining, and when we silverline “someone else's current pain, it completely invalidates their experience.”

• Avoid “future” statements such as “Time will heal all pain,” “It will all be okay one day,” “Everything happens for a reason.”  Lean into the discomfort of the now. Because right now, they are suffering, and they aren't thinking of anything in their future. 

• Avoid statements, including religious or spiritual views. Often when an individual is experiencing a tragic loss, there comes a moment of religious or spiritual distress. This pain can bring on guilt or shame, which can trigger or heighten an already occurring religious or spiritual crisis within. 

What to  say to an individual experiencing perinatal loss  

• It is okay to say, “you don’t know what to say,” and just simply let them know you are there when they need you. 

• Remind them to be kind to themselves through their thoughts and self-care needed during this time. 

• Follow-up with them, often we don’t check back in after some time has passed in fear we might “make them sad by bringing it up.” This isn't true; they will heal but not forget, so they are thinking about it still, and you reaching out just provides more connections for healing. 

For the parents who have experienced the loss- 

• Be patient with yourself. There is no timeline for healing. 

• Remember, there is no hierarchy of pain, miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss, this is your pain, and it all is heartbreaking.

• Seek mental health counseling as a couple or individual 

• Find guidance within your religious or spiritual paths. 

•  Get some rest, eat healthy, engage in something active to move your body.

• Remember your baby, your way, plant a tree, write a letter, have a service, or light a candle.

The stigma and silence surrounding perinatal loss often makes experiencing the loss even harder. But you are not alone; My husband and I were not, and are not alone. 

Caitlin Hart LCPC, NCC

*Perinatal Loss includes miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss 

https://www.acog.org/

Brené Brown- https://brenebrown.com/

Words Are Powerful

The saying goes, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me”, however they do.  Words are powerful and they are thought-provoking, both negatively and positively, especially when having crucial conversations. So how do we clearly communicate our perspective, hear and acknowledge the other’s perspective, and maintain respect when having crucial conversations?  And what are crucial conversations?  According to the authors of Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking when Stakes are High, “crucial conversation” is defined as “a discussion between two or more people where the stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong.” Here I will explore my three concepts to consider for crucial conversations: putting emotions into words, listening & asking questions, and vulnerability leading to respect. 

Putting emotions into words can be a challenge because emotions fuel us in so many different ways.  They empower us, numb us, overwhelm us, and confuse us. It is important to slow down and understand the emotions that are being experienced before we move them into words.  A good approach to this is by using  I-statements such as,  “I feel frustrated when....”.   I- statements give you the control of what you feel and avoid attacking words, for example,  “you made me feel ...” or  “you think...”.   You-statements put individuals on the defensive and shut down the productivity of the conversation.  It can be difficult to not take statements personally especially when talking about subjects that are emotionally charged. Focusing on primary emotions and avoiding attacking words can allow for helpful movement in a conversation.  

Active listening means giving your full attention to the conversation. A big component of this is nonverbal communication, eye contact, facial expressions, nodding, body posture, etc.  Being fully present in a conversation means asking open-ended questions and clarification questions to assist in your understanding. Asking questions is investing in another’s perspective. This increases your insight on the topic.  It doesn’t mean you have to agree.  It allows you to hear what the other is communicating so you can process the information. That is what you want as well, right? 

What is vulnerability?  Brené Brown defines it as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure”.  Vulnerability can be the biggest barrier for communication when having crucial conversations.  Whether it is with a spouse, friend, or boss, taking the risk to be vulnerable is intimidating because it is then outside of our control how they will respond.  Encouraging statements can help support vulnerability in a conversation such as “I value...” or “Thank you for...”  It allows for summarization in your conversation which holds you accountable for maintaining focus and allows the other individual to feel heard even when perspective is different, and that sounds like respect. 

Often we avoid crucial conversations or we regret having them because they ended poorly with guilt regarding words said.  I imagine just within the last few months many individuals have been in a conversation that got heated or where perspectives didn’t align.  That is okay.  We are not clones,  so our thoughts, emotions, and responses are different.  Slowing down to focus on accurate emotions, active listening, and respecting each other should give us all confidence to have more uncomfortable and crucial conversations in all aspects of our lives. 

• Caitlin Hart LCPC, NCC

Brené Brown- https://brenebrown.com/

Kerry Patterson, Joeshy Grenny, Ron McMillian, Al Switzler - Crucial Conversations